East Africa

If you want a wildlife time in Africa then ensure that the company you choose knows what it's doing. It may be tempting to go for the very cheapest option, since animal experiences tend to be costly, but if your guide doesn't know where to find the critters, how to get you close or how to protect you from the wild things you could end up without photos, bored or lunch. Your choice.
The Bugbog crew selected a small, cheap, local Nairobi operation for a safari around East Africa. Not a good idea. It was uncomfortable, occasionally dangerous, dull for long periods and the picture opportunities were limited.

There was a time when East African society was fascinating, diverse and vibrant, but these characteristics are increasingly difficult to find. Much of the colour and tradition seen today is a tourist inspired veneer, a poorly acted pretence to extract dollars from tourists.
The Masai, for example, are an attractive and interesting people with a relaxed and noble air if encountered in the right place. But some less impressive individuals can also can be seen standing by roadsides, dressed-to-ill in gingham tablecloths, plastic sandals and blunt spears.
They wait patiently, rain or shine for their prey to appear, for a pregnant Landcruiser to lurch majestically up and deliver a litter of frantic photographers desperate for a few culture pictures to go with their animal collection.
This may be where most travellers hear for the first time the ubiquitous cry of the lesser-cultured African love-money bird, 'Give me money, give me money,' or its ex-French colony variation 'Donnez-moi l'argent. Cent francs!'

Ugandan pygmies can be worse.
Hours of terrible roads brought us to a ranger station where we were encouraged to pass over thick wads of shillings, not only to support the pygmy villagers, but also in return for the ranger guide's revelations regarding pygmy habits...
'So, what do pygmies do most of the time?'
'They hunt.'
'What animals do they hunt?'
'Many things'
'For example?'
'Hmmmm.'
'Elephants?'
'Yes.'
'OK...And gorillas?'
'Yes.'
'Velociraptors?'
'Yes, many.'
'Ah so? And Tyrannosaurus Rex?'
'Yes.'

After a short walk we arrived at the thatched pygmy camp to find the little chaps smashed out of their heads on cane wine and weed, ready to stuff some greenery down their tatty shorts, pound on a plastic water can, wobble around in a feeble circle and pose for pictures - provided the price was right.

There is, however, a bright spot in this dark vastness. Wildlife. Terrific, perfectly beastly animals going about their daily chores in huge parks. Millions of them, mooching and munching, fighting and fleeing, it's all go in East Africa.
So if you want serious exotic culture head for north Africa, Asia or Latin America, but if you want pictures of animals doing the wild thing then an East Africa safari can't be beaten - except perhaps by Namibia's Etosha national Park - but check what the tour operator is offering and be prepared to pay the price, it'll be worth it.

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